The Gift for the Person who has Everything
Christmas and Hanukkah are two weeks away. Holy cow, are there really only three weeks left in the year?
Yikes!
It’s time to panic shop.
I’m not a big gift giver. I’m a more simple, down-to-earth type. The “buy less stuff and be grateful for what you have” kind of gal. I actually get nervous around this time of year because my friends are gift-givers. In fact my family swore off gift-giving so many years ago I can’t even remember. We’re not the type of family that wants to spend time, energy, and money buying needless things for each other, hoping we’ll “get it right” this year.
In one way, it’s too bad because I was a really good gift-giver. I’m out of practice now. In fact, I’m so out of practice that two years ago, at my friend’s birthday party, I gave her tubes of fancy European ketchup and mayonnaise.
I have no idea what happened. I felt obliged to get her a gift, which is not the best way to buy anyone anything. I forgot that while I’m someone who doesn’t like needless things, she’s the person in my life who wants everything to have a purpose. There isn’t an ounce of nonsense about this woman. Some of you may have someone like this in your life—the powerful woman who gets sh*t done.
She hosts the best gatherings, always has a hack to help with whatever you’re struggling with and she shows up to parties with pre-made freezer cocktails. She’s the bomb. Needless to say, my panic condiments purchase did not go over well at all. I laughed; she gave me the WTF face. Hey, I deserved it.
When I was growing up, my father and stepmother used to throw huge, elaborate holiday parties in their one-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side. They would have over 100 guests in their one bedroom apartment for the best party of the year. They’d buy a gift for everyone, carefully wrapped and placed under the tree. They would cook an incredible spread out of their 9x6 NYC kitchen. The bedroom became the bar and everyone had a blast.
My stepmother was the textbook definition of eccentric. She inherited a rare book collection from her father and spent her life selling those books to buy stuff—and to throw elaborate parties. Over the doorway to their bedroom was a collection of tiny chairs nailed to the wall. I mean, who the hell needs mini chairs? I’m pretty sure her eccentricity is the reason why gift-giving and needless stuff has become a hard no for me.
I don’t remember her ever donating to a cause, volunteering, or taking a friend in need out to lunch. What I do remember is hauling stuff into the apartment after our day trips antiquing in Connecticut.
As you can imagine, buying someone like that a gift was a near-impossible task. The woman had everything. Whatever she saw and wanted, she bought for herself, and that was that.
The other thing I remember about my stepmother is that while I learned a lot from her—being dragged to the Museum of Modern Art as a kid definitely helped shape who I am today—what I really remember is a deep sadness. There were many times when the bedroom door was shut, and she’d lock herself in for hours, sometimes days. Maybe she was just taking much-needed time for herself, or maybe it was something deeper. I’ll never really know. But what I do know is that no one would have guessed it from the outside. She seemed like someone who had it all together: wealthy and fabulous, throwing elaborate dinner parties, traveling, living the grand life in NYC in the ‘80s and ‘90s.
All of this is to say that you really can’t judge a book by its cover. What we see on the outside—a happy person who has it all together—might not reflect what’s going on underneath.
It’s why you should never compare yourself or your success to anyone else. You may think:
They got a great job so easily.
They always bring the perfect gift to the party.
Their posts get tons of likes and comments.
They knew exactly what to say in a time of crisis.
Your swirling brain is already full enough. You don’t need to add comparison and judgment to the mix.
Instead, take care of yourself and treat yourself well. Say kind things to and about yourself. Instead of telling yourself, “My life is too busy right now to start a diet; I’ll wait until after the holidays,” or, “My job isn’t anything special, and it would be impossible for me to get a new one,” or, “I’m too old,” or, “I suck at talking about myself in interviews,” try switching the script.
Tell yourself:
“I work really hard, and I know my stuff. Finding a job will take effort, but it’s worth it to do something I enjoy.”
“Changing up the way I eat will give me more energy and I’ll feel better.”
“Last time I made an effort to take care of myself I felt really good.”
It’s all there for the taking—you just need to grab it.
P.S. The best holiday gift I ever gave to the woman who had it all? Scratch-off tickets. I’ve never heard a grown woman yelp quite like that in my life. Steal the idea—it’s yours.
